never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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