I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And then my night got REAL pukey
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
