OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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