dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it was like his penis was on wheels.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
