his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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