the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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