I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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