Moan for me like Helen Keller
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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