Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
