Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
