Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Success! We fucked roommates!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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