in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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