I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
