I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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