He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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