Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize