help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
