dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
