Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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