After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
