it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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