I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I need water and some morals
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
