put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
