Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
