I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
