I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
