that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I love having hate sex.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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