Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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