I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
