Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
