I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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