I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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