and i looked up. we had an audience...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
