I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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