first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
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