I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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