My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
