In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
