I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
