i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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