oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
