Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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