and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
