Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
