I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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