I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
