he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
