Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
