also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
