The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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