Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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