I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can you bring me the toilet please
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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