I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
