Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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