mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
