sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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