Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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