Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I need moral support for this bender
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
