idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
