she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
