some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
