I wish I only lived at night.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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