Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
