There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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