I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
