I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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