i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
