I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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