So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
