No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
