I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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