I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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