We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
