If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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