Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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